November 29, 2004

>> A beauty clinic complains

[ Work ]

sad_but_true writes...

"Ok, a long one... I work at an IT company in Europe. We design websites, and develop web based software. I manage most of our clients, and receive their most important issues (i.e. generally crap). So, one day, this client called, the manager of a beauty clinic whose website we had done...

- Is this [my company]? I'm your client, and I have a complaint!
- Hello, Mrs. [her name], how can I help you?
- Well, I can't connect to the internet!
- I see. Well, Mrs. [her name], I'm afraid we can't really help there, since we're not your ISP...
- My what???
- Errr, your internet provider. As I think I already told you once, Mrs. [her name], we're only responsable for the website, and not for your internet connection...
- I dont care, I want the problem fixed! I need to check my email!
- (trying to help) Look, do you know if you have cable, or ADSL?
- And how am I supposed to know that?! You're the internet people! (for some of our clients, we're the "internet people", i.e. all the internet in the world comes from our magic powers)
- Well, dont you get an internet bill from some company?... How do you pay for it?
- I pay to connect to the internet???
- Well, generally speaking, yes...
- I don't know. I got a few bills from some company I dont know, but I threw them away. I don't pay for things that I have no use for.
- Can you tell me the company's name?...
- I think it was [name of one of our largest ISPs], or something like that. I dont know.
- I see. Well, Mrs. [her name], I'd say you wont connect to the internet again, until you pay that bill.
- Ok, so I just want to check my email, I dont need the rest of the Internet.
- (long sigh) Mrs. [her name], I'm afraid you need to connect to the internet, to check your email. (a long pause from the other side)
- What if I buy a new computer?

I'm sure everybody in this business working with clients (especially the smaller ones), relates to at least some of this..."

01:17 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

November 28, 2004

>> Where's my mail?

[ Work ]

Anonymous writes...

"I few years back, I was witness to a new level of foolishness.

As the lead IT person at a smallish company, I get some strange questions. One day, one of the customer service reps was having "problems" finding some of her mail. She decided to ask for my help locating the messages.

I sit in a cubicle farm and she stood in the doorway and asked the following questions:

Her: I can't find some of my mail messages.
Me: Are they messages you recieved?
Her: Oh, yes. I saved them in a folder and now they are gone.
Me: OK. What was the folder?
Her: TRASH

At this point, I could see several of my coworkers stifling laughter and leaving the room.

The conversation continued:
Me: Why did you put it in TRASH?
Her: I wanted to keep it someplace.
Me: The trash gets emptied after two weeks.
Her: Why?
Me: Because its trash and it is supposed to be thrown out. Kinda like your trash can at home.
Her: Why? How can I keep messages?
Me: leave them in your inbox or make a new folder for them.

She then muttered something about the system being dumb for emptying the trash and left. When she was outside of earshot, the rest of my coworkers had a tremendous laugh over that one."

01:06 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

November 27, 2004

>> Foolishness @ 35,000 Feet

[ Fools ]

Giuseppe C writes...

"I am a flight attendant for a popular discount airline, and on one particular flight, another flight attendant was placing the snacks into the basket. Since I am the Supervisor, I am in charge of the crew. She was purposelly putting food into the wrong places. When I asked her what the heck she was doing, the response I got was "F*CK OFF", and so I immediately took down her ID number, and filed a report. When she saw this, she immediately began to ask me what that was. Just as I was filling out what she did, a passenger walked up to me, and told me about how this flight attendant told her to "Shut the hell up" and "screw you" so I put that in. Needless to say, this flight attendant is still flying the airline. Except in a passenger seat, not a jumpseat. And without wings."

01:15 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

November 26, 2004

>> Don't forget... I'm so much better than you!

[ Boss ]

Maribou Sue writes...

"My boss, aptly and fondly named "Snooty" by those of us in the office, consistently tries to find ways to remind those of us under her how great she is.

Recently, a number of us were given the chance to work some overtime for a special project. It came at a good time for me, as I needed some extra cash and was considering a 2nd job. I was assured that the overtime was long-term (possibly for as long as 6 months) and that I could do as much as I could handle. I was doing on average of 7 hours a week. Then, because of a lack of process, they stopped the overtime until they had a chance to *streamline* things.

After getting the news, I was disappointed. I then penned a short email to my boss:
"I just found out from **** that overtime has been cancelled until further notice. This really puts me in a bind because I turned down a 2nd job a couple weeks ago because I was led to believe that the overtime here was plentiful and would last for months. Honestly, I cannot make my obligations with what I make here. Could you tell me the process for requesting a raise or when this type of thing usually happens in the order of business?"

This was at 2:45pm. My boss got the email, then went into her boss' office (I assume to find out what to say to me). My boss, who is rather quick at responding to emails, then sent me and the other girl who works under her an email at 3:20pm:
"Hey guys - HOW ABOUT A BREAK!!! Let's go to Sonic at 3:30, I have something EXCITING to share with you."

Both the other girl and myself were VERY excited by this... maybe it was about a raise? Maybe a pat on the back for all of our hard work?

At 3:30pm we went outside to go to Sonic, and then my co-worker and myself realized that the EXCITEMENT was her BRAND NEW 2004 VOLKSWAGEN PASSAT she took 2 hours away from work earlier in the day to pick up!

I got a response to my email at 4:45pm letting me know that the best I could hope for would be the standard in "Corporate America" of 3% at my yearly review if I had a great review, at that."

01:04 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

November 25, 2004

>> Sick, No, I think hungover

[ Rant ]

GruntWorker writes...

"I worked as a setup person for a banquet hall. All day I throw table, chairs, dancefloors, staging, etc and arange rooms for banquets/convensions. Every weekend we would have the hall filled with 3-5 weddings to set-up for in the summer. Of course, Sunday mornings, usually around 6am we would have to go in and re-set all the rooms for the next days events. Remember we are all colleged aged at the time. Well, my supervisor had a knack for calling in every sunday, and I would have to say 90% of the time saying he is sick. This would leave a nice 12hr day of work for the rest of us. Then he would proceed to tell the rest of us grunts the next we saw him about how much partying he did and how much he drank. Of course, our manager never heard a thing."

01:04 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

November 24, 2004

>> no phones?

[ Fools ]

sjoeboo writes...

"ok, so, i work in large corporation doing tech support. one day, a buch of us are donw in our IT center/help desk area. the phone system goes down. not a big deal for us due to the fact that we all have our own cell phones and shit, but, anyways...after a few minutes this lady, looking all confused comes to the door, knocking on it to get it. so after making a few jokes about her behind our sound proof glass, the door is opened and she leans in. note, the phones are still out.

"Who do I CALL about the phones being out?" she asks.

"Nobody, the phones are out"

"Oh....yeah....but...umm...who do i tell...?"

"The Comm. guys, and they already know"

"Ok, so...what should i do?"

"go back to your cube, and sit down and wait"

still, with a confused look on her face, she wanders off down the hallway. I am willing to bet she fell down at least once on her way back to her cube."

01:13 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

November 23, 2004

>> Harddisk

[ Boss ]

Anonymous writes...

"Pretty short : my boss's harddisk ran full, to which he came to me demanding that I install a 'Harder Disk'"

01:12 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

November 22, 2004

>> Mr. Bionic Ears

[ Fools ]

The Whisperer writes...

"I work in a car dealership in a small town. Everyone knows everyone or at least knows someone you are related to. In the case of one certain fool that I work with, everyone wants to know everything about everyone. The "Listener" aka "Bionic Ears" aka "The Bat" is always lurking around a corner listening to everything, and when you least expect it, he replies or remarks to a conversation you may have been having between employees or over the phone. Whether it be personal or work related, he always has a comment. It would be different if he only listned, but he tells off on himself by butting in and giving advice or, my personal favorite, probing deeper into the conversation you were having without him. He can't stand to hear someone laugh without knowing what the person is laughing about, and off-side comments drive him wild. For example: the other day at work, I made a comment that he, our office manager, and another employee all had on the same color shirts. "The Nose" comments to the other male employee, "So, you got the memo?". The other employee off handidly remarks, "What?...oh, the memo about the bathroom? Yeah, I got it. Why?" He immediately registers the look on "The Schnoz's" face and starts hee haw laughing along with our office manager, another female coworker, and myself. I then remarked out loud so "Mr. Nostril" could hear, "Great, now he'll want to know what the memo about the bathroom is about!" HAHAHA, even "Bionic Ears" laughed. Not 15 minutes later, "Worry Wart" comes up to the counter and motions me to come up to him. He replies, and I quote, "What's the deal with the bathroom?" Just one fine example of his stupendis foolery!"

01:15 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

November 21, 2004

>> Dumbass management....

[ Work ]

Anonymous writes...

"I work for a large company.. but recently, I moved back to my old job. I jad taken another job which sounded interesting, and it turned out to completely suck.

My review last year was fine, no problems, but my manager was on his way to another position. He told me what my bonus was supposed to be, and then gave me what it really was. It seems that his manager, the director, didn't feel that I should be rewarded, even thought he didn't even know who I was. If that wasn't enough, I was told that I was supposed to get some stock options, but they were taken away by the director. When I talked to the director, he said that because I didn't make any presentations, that I didn't deserve anything extra. It didn't matter than I was not an engineer, that I was the IT person for the group. He honestly felt that I didn't deserve anything. When I explained to him about the after hours work (so that it didn't disturb the engineers during work hours), he just said that was part of my job. So.. if that wasn't bad enough. I was told that someone told management that my job only required 10 hours per week of work. After getting shafted, I wanted to go to another group that actually wanted me. My new manager (since my old manager had left by this time) told me that he wasn't sure that he could let me leave. I am too important to let go, but not important enough to reward? I finally was able to talk him into letting me leave and transfer to another group.

I definitely learned something from that experience."

01:05 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

November 20, 2004

>> If she is ever made my supervisor I'm walking.

[ Fools ]

Asylum Patient #6541 writes...

"It's not always the enormity of the individual errors that gets to me; it's the sheer volume of endless little 'boo-boos' that finally overwhelmed me.

I'm going to call her Ms. Merry Sunshine (MMS for short). MMS is the happy smiley type that has a financially well-to-do husband and doesn't really 'have to' work (which she actually says to people). Her perpetual smile never falters, even when you're screaming and cringing due to the gleam off of her pearly whites blinding you (the unnaturally white kind). She takes time to chat with anyone and everyone and giggles at anything even remotely humorous. She shows up late for meetings but that's ok because she brought homemade goodies and really didn't have anything to contribute anyhow.

She is completely disingenuous in her conversations, unless it is about herself, her hubby or her kids.

It doesn't matter how badly she screwed you over or in what way, because management sees that she's just a happy, smiley kind of person… it must have been a misunderstanding and it's all-ok. Must be something wrong with my perception.

1. We're supposed to be on the same level as far as the job is concerned, with the same knowledge base and training. She doesn't have clue #1 and got paid training in order to obtain a clue about access databases. All of my requests for training/certification in order to improve my skills are ignored. Yet, who do they call when her queries aren't working right or when she needs to set up a new database? Yup, that would be me.
2. Anyone who has ever known anyone during a pregnancy knows that the 'Due Date' is just an approximation. Her first child arrived a couple of weeks early – so you would think that when she was planning her maternity leave for the SECOND one that she would have everything squared away a week or so before. Nope. Not MMS. She approached me a week before her due date (which is her first planned day of maternity leave) to go over what coverage she needed me for. All of her work instructions (the ones that got to me 2 days before her planned departure) were invalid. Then she ends up going into labor the day before her due date. ' OOPSIE'
3. She finally gets back from her maternity leave (which she extended by a month over the policy parameters by having it be unpaid 'It's not like we NEED the money!! ') and it takes her 2 weeks to even remotely be able to take her workload back. Then, suddenly, my director (who is completely taken in by her personality) asks me to hold onto 90% of the work that I was doing to 'cover' for her while she was on maternity leave because 'we may be adjusting those tasks'.
4. Third week of her return from maternity leave; she has a planned one-week vacation. 'I asked for it before I knew I was pregnant for Trevor, It was for my sister's wedding, but she called it off. I guess I might as well take the vacation since I have it coming, though I have NO IDEA what I'll do!!!' She then did this giggle/laugh as though it was actually funny.
5. During this week long vacation:
a. One of her databases (which is absolutely heinous but I refuse to improve it) that she is supposed to be keeping current on at least a weekly basis has not been updated since almost 2 weeks ago. (I did the last update because she was so busy trying to remember what her job was and we needed the data)
b. I gave her a heads up 1.5 weeks ago about something she needed to do; she responded that she would handle it. I gave this heads up a couple of more times but finally gave up. Yes her supervisor was in on the e-mails. Guess what? It just got dumped into my lap, she did nothing about the problem and now it's exacerbated into being nearly an emergency issue. I took care of it with one e-mail.

These are just the most recent issues. There is a long history of similar occurrences, including having me set up a new database for her (this was when it was discovered that she needed training in databases), and when I'm done setting it up, she isn't ready to take it back. This was 2 years ago. Every quarter or so I mention to my supervisor that MMR is unwilling to take the database off of my hands, even though it is completely automated and takes all of 30 seconds of the day. The response is that everything is working smoothly, why change anything??? Besides, it's just 30 seconds.

I'd be ok if I knew that it was all a setup for her to be shown the door, but it's not."

01:01 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

November 19, 2004

>> Wonderful Way to Start a Honeymoon

[ Boss ]

Babbred writes...

"I work as a customer service agent for a major airline. My co-workers and I get along great, but we have a supervisor who really gets on our nerves. She went to some fancy airline school, so she thinks she knows everything about the industry and should have the final say in any work-related issue. She constantly flirts with the pilots who come through going to their planes; so much so that it has become a joke behind her back. She also makes up her own schedule.

Three months ago, however, something happened that changed everything. Now we no longer fear her, but laugh our heads off when we talk about her. Here is is: she got deported on her honeymoon!

Now, you must understand. When you check-in with an airline and you're traveling internationally, a screen pops up on our computer prompting us to enter your passport information. Our system is linked to the government's, so the info shows up again when you return to the States and pass through Immigration. You can bypass this screen, but the government STRONGLY prefers you do not, otherwise they slap your airline with a huge fine.

Here's what happened to my supervisor. She and her new husband checked themselves in. She bypassed the passport screen, because somehow, someway, she just assumed all you needed was a driver's license (her) and a military ID (husband) to enter Mexico. She could have easily looked up what were the exact requirements in our computer database, but I'll guess she was so busy with wedding stuff she forgot. Anyway, she and hubby go tripping off to Cancun, and when the Mexican authorities pointed out that they they didn't have the proper documentation (passport or birth certificate), my supervisor and hubby threw temper tantrums. The authorities finally threw them out, and they spent the first day of their honeymoon in the Houston airport getting affidavits proving they were US citizens. That, and they had to pay for extra plane tickets because they used the return portion of the original getting back to Houston."

01:07 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

November 18, 2004

>> Anal manager and savant-CEO

[ Boss ]

F&P-on writes...

"I work at a small charity, 15 people when everyone is in. My manager "Joy" is the most anal person on the planet, and the CEO (her boss) is a savant - very intelligent but can't work a fax machine, cell phone, beeper or copier to save her life. When she's not out shopping, at a doctor/dentist or getting lunch, CEO decides to answer the phone each time it rings and chats up incoming callers (who don't always reach the person they wanted after she's through with them). Most people don't assume they will be greeted by the CEO when they call and are quite disconcerted by it. She's so insecure that when things are going well, she needs to find something to harp on, even if she has to fabricate it. This usually means finding fault with something an admin (one of them is ME) has done or should be doing. Like "you hang up the phone too loudly." HELLO - if the phone didn't ring off the hook all day maybe that wouldn't be all you hear?! I keep taking jobs where management abhors automated phone menus. Or "you sound like you're irritated when you answer the phone" - well if you gave the opening spiel 200+ times a day, you are NOT going to sound as perky around 4pm as you do at 9am, I don't care who you are. And just try getting all your work done when you are interrupted every 5 minutes by a ringing phone. Really the phones in this place are quite a burden, by far the worst I've ever experienced. The 2 admins are the only ones who have to deal with this - except, of course, when CEO feels like grabbing it. In fact other staff were instructed not to answer the phone if it rings several times, because they were not getting their work done. Imagine. Apparently admins are magicians! And under-appreciated ones at that.

I've worked here for 4 years, much longer than I'd originally planned. This is the first job I've had that was not full-time. Me and the other admin work extremely well together and she is one bright spot at this job; we each work 3 days so there's one day a week that we're both in together - I live for these days! Admin2 and I can commiserate about manager and CEO, which is quite therapeutic for us.

I could go on and on about things "Joy" does to make life difficult, as well. Taken singly they probably sound innocuous, but day after day, lemme tell ya, she can be hair-pulllingly frustrating. I get emails from "Joy" saying, "please call so-and-so and tell them yada-yada-yada, and let me know when it's done." (By the time she's typed and sent the email, she literally could have done it herself.) Or the email that says, "why does the supply request form say 'please fill in all columns'? Staff is not required to provide a page number [from the supply catalog] unless they are requesting something special." Did I mention she's anal?! I replied that "please fill out all columns" referred to the column that specified where to charge a particular item, since I'm strictly prohibited from submitting bills to the bookkeeper without chart-of-account directions (heaven forbid she has to figure it out!). Oh and CEO just LOVES the fact that "Joy" is so anal, to the point that CEO doesn't believe or trust anything anyone else tells her. "Joy" is technically a manager but is in reality a glorified secretary to CEO and dumps most stuff on the admins. When "Joy" is out sick (which is quite often between her migraines and her kid's ear infections) CEO always finds something we must call her for. Most of the time it's something I know but hey she doesn't trust ME to be right. It's like it's constantly my first day, and I have to prove myself over and over again each day.

Well "Joy" knows absolutely everything. She's told me to change the spelling of people's names in our database when I know they're spelled correctly (I've always been proven right later). She did get a come-uppance though, when something so super-confidential that only Her-Anal-ness could take care of it, was overnighted to the wrong attorneys. The sh*t really hit the fan that time because not every attorney knew about the other ones, and the recipient called CEO and reamed her out but good. He-he-he. "Joy" is always cold and she insists that all thermostats be set at the same temperatures, 80/68, or they won't work. HUH? This means it has to be 80 degrees before the air conditioning comes on. My husband bought me a little thermometer for my desk so that I KNOW what the temp is. I told her that when temp reaches 80, I go home. It nearly came to blows! Maybe if she moved her skinny ass she'd warm up a little.

Yearly review time is always a joke. I'm still used to glowing reviews of "excellent" and "above average" which "Joy" computes as "satisfactory." This is the only job I've had where this has been true of my reviews and I've thought it wouldn't be worth the brou-ha-ha to make an issue of, since I do always get a raise (such as it is). One year "Joy" told me I should be more proactive. This is next to impossible. I've offered to take some of the burden off her shoulders, a task I'd done in my previous job, and received no response but crickets chirping. Can you say mixed messages?!

I know "Joy" looks through our desks when we're not there in the guise of needing something or writing out a fax cover sheet. She has a separate fax machine in her office so this is completely unnecessary. I've seen her do this at Admin2's desk when she's not in so I'm sure she looks in my desk too. She doesn't have a clue that if there's something I don't want her to find (e.g., something that I have not finished due to constant phone answering), I carry it around in my personal bag of stuff.

I haven't even mentioned the 300-lb education specialist who makes twice the salary that I do, who spends the entire day either on the phone with personal calls or bitching about how much she has to do and has to stay late to finish. Or the PhD-in-training ditz who doesn't know the difference between a plural and a possessive pronoun. Yikes.

My last job was the absolute best job I've ever had, with wonderful people (except for a morbidly-needy director, but the rest of us had such a great time making fun of her behind her back that we'd have truly missed her, had she not been there). I was the office manager with my own assistant, and I've received glowing references from former bosses when applying for jobs since. Why do I keep thinking about that job? Oh yeah, they TRUSTED me there. Unfortunately the company was taken over and we were all laid off.

I took this current job because at the time it fit the needs of my life. I'm sort of half-heartedly looking around for another job but I don't have a lot of time to "beat the bushes" right now. Anyway this job itself - "Joy" and CEO notwithstanding - is 10 minutes from home, and my time is flexible if I need it to be as far as changing my days off or re-arranging my hours. And if they want to pay me what they pay me to play waitress half the time, then ok let's knock our socks off. When I find somewhere better to go to, though, just watch my dust.

Ranting DOES make you feel better. Thanks for reading!"

01:21 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

November 17, 2004

>> Sometimes, I wish I could swear at them!!!

[ Rant ]

KindredNeonate writes...

"I work in a video store... On July 3rd, we were told that our bathroom was going to be repainted. We figured they'd wait until Monday, because of the holiday, but they didn't.

So, on July 4th, we had people coming into the store to use the bathroom, and we had to tell them that it was out of order. (They turned off the water because they were removing the sink and toilet so they could paint around them....though, I'm still not sure exactly why...)

This one guy comes in with his son. The following conversation happened:

Him: My son has to use the washroom.
Me: I'm sorry, sir, but our bathroom is currently out of order.
Him: I don't care. My son has to go.
Me: Sir, you don't understand, it's out of order. The toilet isn't connected to the wall.
Him: So? My son has to go.
Me: Well, I'm sorry sir, but that's just no possible.
Him: You use it, don't you? You can't work eight or ten hours without a washroom, right?
Me: No, sir. We can't use the bathroom, either. It's out of order.
Him: I don't believe this.
Me: I'm sorry, sir.
Him: Forget it. This is ridiculous! *Walks out in a huff.*
Me: Have a nice day. *Fake smile plastered on my face.*"

01:12 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

November 16, 2004

>> I'll See Your Qualifications, and Raise You Two

[ Work ]

Ann writes...

"I'd worked this little retail paradise for about a year, all female coworkers with the strutting banty rooster of a manager, Ray. Ray liked working with all women. Ray liked it a lot. Ray especially liked it if his "harem" left a few uniform blouse buttons undone.

We all had to work weekends, it was a given that we'd draw either Saturday or Sunday. Being a big football fan, I hated working Sundays. One of the girls on the Saturday rotation quit, and I submitted a request to be moved to Saturdays so the new girl could take Sundays.

Request denied.

Note: I am a middle-aged woman. The new girl is a very buxom, kittenish 18 year old. 'Nuff said.

When I asked why the New Girl, who had all of 3 days to my 365 days seniority, had been allowed to request and get the days she wanted, I was told her "qualifications" were more "prominent." He leered so charmingly when he said it, I could barely bring myself to hand in my two weeks notice right then and there.

I later found out he was "laterally transfered" to the warehouse after several sexual harassment claims.

Gotta love that karma steamroller."

01:12 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

November 15, 2004

>> Mr. Emily Post

[ Boss ]

Chipper writes...

"I work at a very promient financial institution in a rather esteemed department. Recently, we were awarded a new boss (the fourth in three years). Let's call him Botox Bob. We are not sure which is more curious--the fact that his skin is stretched beyond the laws of physics or the fact he is unable to open his eyes or mouth more the three millimeters. Botox Bob knows nothing about the complex, legal issues relating to our job, but is quick to dumb down the department to the lowest common denominator (that is, him) and to teach us a few things whether it be how to do our job, or in this case, proper etiquette (it's amazing how we had functioned so well without him). Anyhow, I was explaining to Botox Bob the problems with bringing in some new business (you see, the risk for the company could be considerable). In particular, there was a problem with the attorney who works for the client. Botox Bob asks me, "What do you think of this attorney?" Sensing a desire for candor, I reply, "Can I be honest?" "Of course!" exclaims Botox Bob. To be sure I ask, "Is this off the record?" "Absolutely," he assures with what may actually be a four millimeter wide smile. "Ok, I think the attorney is an idiot." (I figure a rather nonthreatening adjective although I, too, am an attorney and have heard and used stronger words in describing my species). Botox Bob's eyes open far beyond their three millimeter capacity (oh my God! He actually has eyes! Be afraid! Be very afraid!) and his mouth drops (one can hear the skin cracking under the strain). The lines of disapproval that normally are concealed by his secret anti-expression serum suddenly appear (I guess it's time for a tune up). He straightens in his chair, clasping his hands together with an almighty look. In a scolding tone Botox Bob growls, "That is not very Christian of you!" I am stunned. I fumble as I try to explain how the attorney has drafted legal documents without our knowledge or approval that now puts the company at risk and how the attorney refuses to answer even the simpliest of questions (so simple, a yes or no suffices) in order for us to fix his errors. Botox Bob listens intently, his face springing back to its original position (one can only battle such tension for so long, you know). After hearing all of the evidence Botox Bob finally admits, "You're right. He is an idiot." I leave dumbfounded and tell the tale to my equally stunned counterparts. I later learn from one of them that soon after my lesson in appropriate word usage, Botox Bob freely uses the "F" and "S" word in a conversation with one of my male counterparts. So the "Botox Bob Lesson For The Day" is: To be Christian and proper, please correctly charactierize a person as "F***in' Mentally Challenged."

01:06 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

November 14, 2004

>> Stupidest question ever

[ Boss ]

Ship this writes...

"I working in Shipping/Receiving for a company dealing with a lot of R&D of various items. So the company pays good money to hire numerous "college degree level" engineers. A little peon like me who has to keep track of ingoing and outgoing items have no idea the limits to their intellegence.

So one of the head engineers just had to stop me while I was in the middle of doing a number of things at once to ask me a very difficult question that must have boggled him all day.

"If I send a package to California overnight today, when will it be delivered?"

The question was just SOOOOO difficult I just had to walk away (little sarcasism there)"

01:22 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

November 13, 2004

>> "I don't know how your job is done, but do it this way"

[ Boss ]

Library Lady writes...

"I'm the librarian at a small charter school. Being the size it is, I have no staff, no aides, just me. Anything that gets done in there, I do it. Books selected and ordered, research done, students helped, materials repaired, tables wiped, all done by yours truly. We have an assistant principal who wants to help and support the staff at our school. I'll call him Helpful Ferd. Now understand that Helpful Ferd is a truly nice guy who genuinely wants to be there for us. However, Helpful Ferd is a former math teacher and coach, and is now an administrator. He has no more idea of what goes on in the running of a library than would a toothbrush, but a toothbrush wouldn't try to tell me how to do my job. I have lots of Ferd stories, but here are my favorites. Once he suggested that I make centerpieces for the tables, in order to make the library look more "welcoming." (Yeah, right. Centerpieces in a junior high school library? I'll file that one just after the suggestion from an 8th grader that I install a cappucino machine...) There was another time he told me I was spending too much time at my computer. Never mind that all my records--students, inventory, etc.-- are there, the internet where I do research for the teachers is there, it's where I check books and movies in and out. All he knew was "I don't know what you do on it, but it just seems you spend too much time on it." He also sent me a note once saying I spend too much time reading. When I get in a shipment of books, it is my policy to read the first and last chapters and one in the middle to get an idea of its content. Some of these books written for teenagers contain things that would make a sailor blush and many a parent hang me and the principal in effigy. I sent him a note saying that if he was willing to take full responsibility for what was on the shelves, I would never open another book. I never heard back from him on that one..."

01:02 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

November 12, 2004

>> Of course, we have a policy

[ Boss ]

IT manager/worker writes...

"I've been working in a small IT firm for about a year and a half, and as a midlevel manager for about three months. I have a team of five underneath me, and I report to the COO of the company. One day, after having one of my people do for the fourth time what he had been warned three times before not to do, I went to the COO to find out what the disiplincary process I've been working in a small IT firm for about a year and a half, and as a midlevel manager for about three months. I have a team of five underneath me, and I report to the COO of the company. One day, after having one of my people do for the fourth time what he had been warned three times before not to do, I went to the COO to find out what the disciplinary process for the company is, should the incident happen again.

First, he interrogated me as to what happened. I didn't want to sell out any of my people, but he refused to go any further until I mentioned who it was. After he had his information, he immediately turned to his computer, typed up an email detailing:

That a specific set of actions must never happen again. If it does, "dire" consequences would follow.

He then proceeded to send that email out to the entire company, as well as a few select clients who just happen to be on the same email group alias he selected.

Once I recovered from the shock of his overreaction, I then asked him if the company had any type of disciplinary procedure (on the off chance that there was a repeat). He told me there was. I asked him what those procedures might be. His response? "Let's hope it doesn't come to that."

Thoroughly defeated, I left his office."

01:09 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

November 11, 2004

>> Gross Boss

[ Boss ]

BrianS writes...

"The story:

What I'm about to tell you is 100% true.

A few years ago I worked for a man that was less than sanitary. It would be interesting to see if any of you have had similar experiences. I think it's important to first describe this man. He stood about 5'8', weighed over 220lbs, male pattern baldness was in full effect, large gap between his front teeth and just plain gross. He is literally an amusement park caricature of a human being.

Incident#1. One day he asked me to help him with his computer because he was having a hard time getting it to perform correctly. I walked in the office and began to try and teach him the proper procedure to perform the task when he began to pick the scabs on his head. Once a scab had been removed he would roll it around his fingers till it disintegrated into smaller pieces. Some landed on the desk, most on the ground. I tried as hard as I could to ignore what I had just witnessed. My gag reflex was still in check. While talking to him, his inner ear must have started to itch, because he buried his finger deep into it and wiggled it until he was satisfied. Yanking his finger out, he looked at it and did the same motion to the ear wax as he did his scabs.

It's not over yet. Since his intellect matched his appearance, I had to show him by driving his computer. It wasn't ‘til I sat down in his 'questionable' chair that I noticed his screen was difficult to see. It appeared as though his mom never taught him to cover his mouth while coughing and sneezing. My gaze then went to his keyboard. All over his keyboard were brown dried up marks, crumbs, and discolorations that defied explanation. It then occurred to me that what I was typing on was stained with blood and ear wax. My only recourse was to quickly finish the lesson and wash my hands thoroughly for an hour.

Looking back at it, I'm not sure Joe Rogan from Fear Factor would subject his contestants to such torture.

*shudder*

Okay next incident – same boss.

Quick over view/set up. At the time this happened, my wife and I only had one car. My wife worked at a urology office.

Incident#2 Time goes by and my boss comes up to me in a casual tone. Immediately my alarm bells are just ringing off the hook. This man wants something big. I can tell. While working his head free of yet another scab he began to tell me of how he ran into my wife at the urologist. He mentioned that he went there to get a vasectomy. (Why? I thought. Something would actually make icky with you?).

He explained to me that there was a small blunder at the urologist's. They had called him back to ask for another sample of his 'manseed'.

'You see, I only got just a little bit around the rim of the cup and that wasn't enough.' He said while rolling his scabs. (In my mind I'm about to hurl – I seriously cannot believe I'm having this conversation.) 'I was wondering if I were to take a new specimen into work here, could I give it to your wife to take to work with her? Don't worry, I'll keep it in a small brown paper bag for you.'

I wanted to end the story there. But I should mention that I told him under no circumstances would I ever do that. He asked me three separate times to prod me into doing this for him. He just couldn't understand why I thought that was inappropriate."

01:10 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

November 10, 2004

>> Manager? What's That?

[ Rant ]

Mardou writes...

"Alright, I work at a popular pizza chain on the east coast. It's my first job, and I received it from popping in and asking for it, basically. The manager, James, said that he didn't have any applications right then, but that he needed workers so bad, he'd hire me on the spot. I accepted. Bad move? The manager said I could get my first paycheck in three weeks. Three weeks roll around, and the day before, he tells me the Corporate offices won't pay me because I never turned in an application. So he hands me the application...apparently the people who run the chain are such fools, that they spelled "Prospective Employees," "Perspective Employees". Believe me, there's a difference. So now both me and Ashley, a college student who needs the money much more than I do, but never received an application, either, need to wait two more weeks to get paid, if we even get paid for the first three weeks at all.

This manager, James, didn't happen to show up very much at all, and when he did, he was nice enough, but a little odd. Whenever I seemed stressed out from the job, for example, he'd either tell me to relax and "smoke a doobie," or he'd crack a perverted joke. (Me: I don't mind working under so-and-so... Him: Whoa-ho-ho! I'm sure you don't!)He hired another guy, Mark, who'd worked at a different store in the chain previously for over a year, and gave him the store keys that he was taking from Rachelle, a day-time shift runner that he'd just fired.

Then things began to get a little weird. James stopped showing up at all, and was unable to be reached by cell phone or home phone. We, the employees, were running out of dough, of green peppers, of everything-because he hadn't done his paperwork and ordered more. Great. The shift runner, Ingrid, who happens to be a complete control-freak who'd been trying to get James fired for a while so she can take his job, called Mark up and asked for the keys to give to Rachelle, who somehow was getting her job back, when she isn't even qualified for it. (She calls herself a cook, instead of a shift-runner, and doesn't know how to do any of the paperwork, period.) Mark, of course, refused, because the manager had given him the key, and he wasn't giving them back unless he got James to confirm it. Plus, he admitted that he didn't have the gas to drive back up to the store when he'd just been up there earlier and no one had even mentioned the keys. So Ingrid had to send another guy up there to actually take the keys away from him so Rachelle could get into the store the next morning.

Finally, later that day, it's confirmed that James has been fired-bad news though. Now we don't have a manager at all. The CEO of the entire corporation, Chad, had to come in and watch over us for two hours, and make us scrub the entire filthy building from top to bottom. One thing that pissed him off was the ingredient we'd been using for ground beef on our pizzas the whole time- little pieces of meatball. Oops.

That's not even to mention the fact that we've got a driver/insider who leaves the store to make deliveries, and comes back drunk off his gourd. But hey, what does that matter? For all I know, Corporate, or Ingrid, might decide to get rid of me in a couple days anyway..."

01:05 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

November 09, 2004

>> The Amazing Electro Boss

[ Boss ]

Chiclet writes...

"Here's a first hand account of the Amazing Electro Boss told in Messenger...


chiclet says:
ok..so i go into work this morning and theres no phones working. hmmm

chiclet says:
apparently yesterday afternoon the phone at the reception desk wasnt working

chiclet says:
soooooooooooooo BG's father took it upon himself to do some troubleshooting

Carnivore says:
LOL... why do I have a bad feeling

chiclet says:
the father calls over three women in the office

chiclet says:
into the closet where the phone stuff is

Carnivore says:
ohoh...

chiclet says:
"i want you all to see how this is done for future reference"

Carnivore says:
LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

chiclet says:
can everybody see?

chiclet says:
he's on his hands and knees holding some wires...everybody moves in close

chiclet says:
he touches something to something
POP!! Sparks flying..He keels over

chiclet says:
omg omg

Carnivore says:
noooooooooo way

chiclet says:
his hair is standing on end
LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

chiclet says:
of course he was okay or i wouldnt be laughing

chiclet says:
he put out the whole building

Carnivore says:
no freaking way
chiclet says:
how freaking hysterical is that?

chiclet says:
i laugh everytime i think of it

Carnivore says:
unbelievable

chiclet says:
"now pay attention everyone"

chiclet says:
LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

chiclet says:
the receptionist told me this morning,
she could barely get through the story"

01:13 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

November 08, 2004

>> Guitar Check

[ Boss ]

Randy R. writes...

"All of the TPS monkeys will appreciate this. .. .I worked for a fast growing musical-equipment store. .. .You know, the one that is putting the mom and pop stores around the country out of business.

This conglomerate has a loss prevention policy that has its sales associates count and account for guitars over $500.00. .. .with two reports.

One is for guitars $500 and over, the other $999 and over. Each ran at different times of the week/month.

But on this particular occasion, an actual inventory of all guitars was in process, which is done twice a year.

After counting and verifying the guitar inventory, one used guitar was missing. .. .We paid about $300.00 for it a week prior to the count and were selling it for a little under $400.00.

When we notified our change of command about the loss. .. .a few hours later we receive an e-mail asking why this guitar was not caught on the guitar check done a few days earlier. .. .

This from the person that had his hand in the creation of these 'checks' for high dollar guitars. .. .where are your TPS reports?"

01:03 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

November 07, 2004

>> Maybe if we all just cuddle

[ Boss ]

james writes...

"I work in circulation for a newspaper. My boss' boss, let's call her 'Dotty', is a real interesting lady. Not only does everyone in the department think she is a terrible manager, but she doesn't even realize we all hate her. Now, you may be asking yourself 'Why is she a terrible manager?' Well the truth be told she is terrible at communication – like most mid level managers who have grand plans of becoming senior management and never will. My best example of her terrible communication (and she has said that this conversation was her most improved communication with the 'team') is and I quote 'Let's get our arms wrapped around this and CUDDLE it.' Seriously, that's what she said.

God help us all."

01:16 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

November 06, 2004

>> A few journal entries about a whiney old bag.

[ Fools ]

Pat writes...

"There's this old fart woman who works with me who pisses me off. Not directly but I get aggravated nonetheless. She used to complain about chipping in 2 measly dollars so we can get a card and a cake for someone's birthday for the month. She'd actually complain to the boss about it. So we had a vote, and she got out voted. She'd snitch on people if they were on the phone too long. She even took notice that the hand soap in the womans bathroom wasn't going down fast enough. So she assumes women aren't washing their hands after popping a squat. She went around the whole office complaining about this. So of course they move her into our part of the office. She walks around with this loud annoying and obviously fake laugh. It's like that 5-syllable ha-ha-ha-ha-ha you only hear on laugh tracks or at a Julia Roberts movie. She rarely has anything interesting to say yet tries to talk to everybody about something. Usually she's complaining about something. She once asked me if I liked Elvis. I have no idea why she asked me that. She also does this half sigh half growl thing that middle age and senior citizens do.

My boss is the nicest boss I've ever had. A true saint. A woman at my work (we'll call her Pam) sent an email to us asking if we'd like to contribute some money to buy her an Iris flower arrangement, balloons, and a card. $7 a person would cover the costs.

This morning Pam and the old bag got into an argument. We have a little kitchen in our office. Every morning (for free) we have bagels and pastries. They used to have them placed on a counter underneath some pantry cabinets. Pam moved them to the kitchen table that way if someone wants cereals they can get it without getting in the way of someone cutting/buttering a bagel. So the old bag walks into the kitchen and sees it moved. She yells at Pam (from the kitchen) "When I set the kitchen up in the morning don't touch anything!!!" So Pam explains why she moved it and asked why it's a big deal. Old bag starts in with some kind of logic that only makes sense to her about how you're not supposed to put food on the table. This is the same table that people use to each lunch everyday.

So Pam had enough and just let her have it. She pointed out how the old bag is not a team player. Old bag gets defensive and starts asking why and saying how she is a team player. Pam points out that out of all the people she emailed about the gift that the old bag is the only one who complains about the price and that she could get something better for cheaper. So Pam tells her fine, do whatever you want with your $7 and get something better than what we'd get.

Pam then gives up and says that as far as where the breakfast is gonna go, she's gonna ask the boss and that'll settle it.

I see the boss go in the old bags office and close the door. From what I could hear through the wall was the old bag complaining and our boss just talking her down saying stuff like "Just ignore it".

I hate her so much. Every time she walks by me or talks or makes noise or anything I want to smack her in her stupid old head and say "What's the matter with you". Just feeling the air breeze on me as she walks past or just hearing her feet tromp sends a really unpleasant chill up my spine.

The old bag has this noontime ritual of taking a walk around the parking lot. We always think it's weird because she shuts down her computer and turns all the lights off in her office. She claims she's trying to save electricity. She announces that she's going for a walk everyday. Today when she announces it she says, "just in case you need me, uh you never know they got these truckers outside, not like they'd want me or anything". After about 10 minutes it hits me as hysterically funny. Maybe that's why she takes walks. She wants to get hooked up with a trucker.

My supervisor (we'll call her Shirley) brought a radio in today so people won't get so bored in my dept. It's only a matter of time before the old bag is bitching about it. Ooop. She just closed the door to her office. Thus it has already begun.

Well the old bag just told Shirley that she couldn't deal with the radio. She said that Shirley didn't even ask her if she could bring it in. Like we've got to ask her permission for everything (bathroom breaks?). Shirley explains to her that they get bored and want some music to listen to while they work and that all the other dept.'s have music. So the old bag argues back that in fact not "all" depts have music. She then goes down the line of who has a radio and who doesn't. I think we just came to some kind of compromise by having the radio at a "reasonable volume"."

01:08 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

November 05, 2004

>> Your Government Employee at Work

[ Fools ]

AlreadyGone writes...

"My hubby works for the federal government. Some of the true stories about his day scare the heck outtame, but some are delightfully pathetic, as is this one:

Hubby's coworker "Sam" is a few years shy of retirement (and a few cubes short of a full icetray). Sam is a nice guy, and at one time it is rumored he could do his job at least moderately well. But for the past few years, Sam has been having "issues" which include the minor problem of being clueless.

For security reasons, each worker was instructed to create a personal password to access the computer programs needed to complete their work. Sam needed assistance in doing this, so his coworkers helped him to create it. They also tried to make it very easy for Sam to remember it ... to no avail.

Every day, Sam comes up to my hubby and asks him to remind him of his password.

And every day, my hubby suppresses the urge to scream, answering calmly, "your password is SAM"

01:02 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

November 04, 2004

>> "Shhh... just 'tween you and me. "

[ Boss ]

Anonymous writes...

"I work as a security guard at a manufacturing company. One day, an agent with the IRS visited our site to deliver a summons for paperwork dealing with a specific vendor who presumably is in tax trouble. Per policy, I notified my direct supervisor, and kept the agent at the front gate while he came out to talk with her. I should note that any kind of process service has to be done either at the gate, or off the company property. At any rate, my supervisor comes out to deal with her and in the process of explaining why we had to keep her waiting, he said "See, we were raided by the FBI a few years ago..." *!!!!!*

Am I crazy, or is that the stupidest thing ever to say to an IRS agent!?"

01:15 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

November 03, 2004

>> Mr. Diligent

[ Fools ]

Shirley writes...

"I was working for a Car Dealership and in the Service Department, we would have a guy come in every Saturday to buff the floors in the bays where the Technicians work. Well, one Monday we got to work and saw police tape everywhere. Mr. Genius floor cleaner was working on Saturday and a woman he knew came in to see if she could buy some more cocaine from him (nice little side business for him). Since she still hadn't paid him for the last stash, he wasn't very inclined unless she wanted to take it out in trade. Since she was seven months pregnant at the time, she really didn't feel like it. So he decided that she wasn't going to leave unless she paid him for the stuff she already owed him. So he proceeded to tie her to the chair in front of a desk in the Warranty office. Now, being the diligent worker that he was, he decided that he still had to buff the floors. So he put her in a 50 gallon drum and while he ran the buffing machine, he rolled her around behind him. When he was done, he tied her back to the chair. Well Sunday rolled around and he was getting pretty hungry. So Mr. Genius left to go buy some KFC and while he was gone, she got loose and called the cops to complain about her shabby treatment. When he got back from his KFC run, the cops were waiting for him."

01:07 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

November 02, 2004

>> Holiday work approval

[ Boss ]

WebTone Employee writes...

"Small Software company under 500 employees.

We were pulling together as a team to get a project done. In order to finish on-time, one of us volunteered to work on a company holiday.

After this employee submitted his time, he got a call from the time manager (time natzi). She said (direct quote) "Did you get your manager's approval to work on that holiday?"

01:01 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

November 01, 2004

>> Show me the money!

[ Boss ]

Sockguy writes...

"A number of years ago I worked in managment with a major producer in the apparel industry that was privately owned. As a part of the senior management group, we were part of a profit-sharing plan that allowed us to get a yearend bonus based on profits. One thing that irked everyone one though was the President (and majority owner) was a participant taking the first million dollars in profits for himself. If we earned less than a million he took the whole pot and left us nothing.

Some of the senior managers expressed to him that this was unfair, that he should at least allow a percentage for the management group. He pondered this and the following year he announced with great fanfare that he was removing himself from the profit sharing pool in fairness to us. This was seen as a truly unselfish move that was lauded for his generosity.

That is, until it was leaked that he had raised his salary by (you guessed it) $1 million. Thereby, getting his hands on the money even quicker!!! The over 100 year old company is now out of business. You wonder why????"

01:16 AM - Posted by Disgruntled