September 29, 2003

>> Psycho or just evil?

[ Fools ]

Smooth Operator writes in a tale of a sneaky fool...

"I have been the switchboard operator at my place of employment for 3 years. The woman who works in closest proximity to me has been there close to 30 years. We'll call her Sylvia. She's the cashier. Part of our duties consists of opening and bundling the incoming mail- up to 1000 pieces. We also batch together payment slips. This is the number One priority every day. Well, Sylvia seems to think she is above this and only does about 2 batches daily compared to my 10-12. She fills up her superflous time by doing her nails, talking on the phone, or reading. Then, come to find out, when i wasn't looking she took the batches I did and changed the ticket on it to one with HER initials! So it looks like she's doing more than me! And everyone believes her and thinks I don't do anything! I wish I could get back at her but I don't want to jeopardize my job. I just really don't think I can take it anymore. She just keeps doing little things to get on my nerves. I hope she retires soon!"
01:20 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

September 28, 2003

>> A thousands stories

[ Work ]

on_the_edge obviously has seen his fair share of fools and needed a lil vent about his work... sadly its a story from within our military department...

"I have been working for the state of (stupidity) for 10 years. I have seen an enormous amount of 'Enron'eous type of actions. This is one. Okay, I work in a regimented boot camp where I am a mid level manger, this is ran by my states military department. Our kids are called CADETS. Now here are some, very small idity bitty bit of what goes on here. We have an Alpha company and Bravo Company. A former employee of Bravo transfers to Alpha we will call him D. One of my employees comes to me and shows me 2 radios that he bought off of 'D'. I look them over and asked him where 'D' got them, he tells me that 'D' bought them of the internet at e-bay. I asked him 'then why do they have Alpha Company employee names on them?' His face went white! I took the radios and photo copied them, ran the serial number with the supply section and yes they belong to the state! Hm. Most people would have at the very least been fired, oh but not this guy, his wife happens to be a department head in another department and the Assistant Director is very close to her :D. When all was said and done, I was the bad guy because I supposedly had a vengeance against 'D'. You try to do the right thing and you get screwed. Funny thing is, no one every talked to me about the situation. It was just lost in space.

In another situation, our cadets helped the program director build his garage and helped the Bravo Company Director move to another house.

I have a thousand of these type of stories that would make a million bucks for me. But alas, no one wants to do anything because they would probably shut doors and this would hurt the kids. Unfortunately, the Enron type managers know this and it goes up to the highest levels in the Military Department. Anyone got job opening for an honest, Ethical Operations Specialist!"
01:15 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

September 27, 2003

>> Leaders of Tomorrow... Fools of Today

[ Fools ]

Kitty writes in from college to show you fools in training...

"Yep, I'm back home from being a nanny, but I'm still surrounded by CHILDREN!!!

I am in my senior year, and all my academic classes are college level, because I like the abuse. In my government class... well, it's like the government.

Last school year, admin. ordered new, current text books for both the high school level gov. class and the college level gov. class. Teachers were then asked to dipose of the out of date texts. The high school level books have arrived, but the college books have not. You would hope that higher level learning would earn priority, or at least equality, but no such luck! School has been in session for almost a month, now. At least my instructor had the mind not to throw out a class set of the old books...

But my classmates!! Goodness, I'm worried for the future if it is in their hands. In this college level class, you must read every word of the old books that were saved for us, and every handout the teacher blesses you with, and generally listen and participate in class. There are 7 students in my gov. class, one of which has only attended 50% of days. So, what you are or are not doing is noticed by the entire class. And, when you fail to do something, or have a less than right answer, you feel put on the spot, so I would think you'd be motivated to succeed. Apparently I'm the only one that realizes this! I'm obviously the only person to read the chapters assigned, as I am the only one able to follow the lesson. I am the only person to hand in any homework, thus far. I am the only person taking notes. I am the only person participating in what are supposed to be class discussions with the teacher. I was the only student able to complete the test, today, with complete confidence that I passed. I'll go so far as to assume I earned an A. As there are only really 6 in attendance, I stood up at the end of class and offered to organize a study group that I would lead, where I would help guide homework and we could assist one another in gaining an understanding of the way our government was formed.

Much to my chagrin, I think I'm really beginning to grasp the way our country works."
01:14 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

September 26, 2003

>> IT illiterate

[ Boss ]

Overworked and Underpaid writes of a problem that I am sure has happened before people save local and suddenly they think its available everywhere... oh well... some things never change!

"The IT people were upgrading the system at work, so the network was down all afternoon. I have two supervisors. Both of them, independently of each other, came to me with assignments to do within the space of half an hour. Both conversations were roughly identical:

Supervisor: 'As the network is down, I saved the file you have to work on in the C: drive'

Me: 'You want me to do my work in your office on your computer?'

Supervisor: 'What? No, of course not. Just open the C: drive folder here on your computer and the file will be there'.

Me: 'The C: drive is your individual computer's hard drive. You saved the file on your computer and nowhere else. This is what the phrase 'the network is down' means'.

Supervisor: 'Huh? Show me'.

Me: *Sigh* 'Here's a diskette. Save the file on it and bring it back to me'.

I was surprised this happened with one person. But two?"
01:16 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

September 25, 2003

>> Making Copies...

[ Fools ]

Anonymous writes in with this story about a manager who simply seems to have taken extra steps to find an owner...

"This is a short story, but it highlights the rampant stupidity in the ranks of corporate America. The manager of the Human Resources department sent out an office wide email with the following:

"Someone has left a driver's license in the copy machine of building one. If it is yours, come see me"

I may be mistaken, but I thought that most drivers licenses have a name, and a picture that will help in identifying their owner and getting said license returned quickly and without the benefit of a company wide email."
01:14 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

September 24, 2003

>> Why they license drivers

[ Rant ]

mensabrains writes in a mega story with all sorts of insanity between an old irate owner/employee and his renter/worker on his property... maybe next time he should have asked for a test run to live there hahaha... this one is a doozy...

"My landlord bought himself a tractor with a front loading digger so he could do some grand landscape changes on the three lots together that make up where we live. He recently fired his handyman, who was an old hand at running the machine, then thought it had to be a piece of cake because the guy made it look easy. Last summer he had three tons of free dirt delivered to the house and told them to "just dump it in the driveway and I'll move it". I was amazed to watch this mountain of dirt grow in the driveway as truck after truck dropped their load and happily drive off. He could have had them go in and drop it deep in the yard, but no, he thought right there out front was fine. Then he fired up the tractor.

I had 5 bicycles propped in a line side by side over against the yard fence. I was watching out my upstairs window and talking with him across the yard all the while this dirt was coming in and when he headed for the tractor. I stared in disbeleif as he scooped up the first huge bucket of dirt, swung around, and proceeded to blithely bury all 5 of my bikes under load after load of dirt! I jumped up to throw on some outdoor clothes, only to hear a tremendous screech below the window. I ran back to the sill and looked out to see him backed seemingly all the way up to the house wall below me. I ran downstairs and out around the side into the yard to witness him running the tractor forward again and he stopped when he saw me emerge.

I followed the path of his tire tracks with my eyes and discovered that the sound had come from him backing the tractor up straight into my standing freezer. It was crumpled like tinfoil, ruined. I yelled and ranted at him, first for the freezer, then for the bikes, chewing him out for being so incredibly dense and oblivious. His reply was a jolly "thank goodness it was only your freezer. I thought I had backed into the house!"

When I pointed at the bikes, now hopelessly buried under the tonnage of dirt, and demanded to know how he could have done that? With me watching and talking to him from upstairs? And why he didn't so much as tell me what he was going to do and let me get down there to move them to some other safe part of the yard, he grumped "they shouldn't have been there in the first place. It's my house and I'll do what I want!" and balled up his fists like a two year old. This is a 66year old walrus of a guy, a former physicist, a sometime sea captain of his own small boat, owner of 5 properties, a compulsive junk stasher who lives like a squatter smothering in his own clutter. He can never find anything when he needs it so he goes out and buys another, uses it once and loses it under the layers of his succeeding projects. He has reams of the same tools and materials he's had to buy over and over becuase of this.

This summer he finally got the tractor working again and we convinced him to let us throw a tow rope thru the bike frames we could see, and use the bucket to pull them up out of the yearlong grave they'd been stuck in. They came out all together, horribly bent and rusted. my son's carbon frame racing bike, that was shipped cross country, was a total loss.

I never miss a chance to remind the old duffer that he owes us for those ruined bikes and my destroyed freezer. He scoffs it off. I finally found an artist who likes to take ruined bikes and cut them up and make new ones out of them. He came out and took them all to bike heaven a coupla weeks ago. It took us till this summer to dig out most of the driveway, but it's still not done.

Now when the subject comes up, I ask him "supposing I drop an I-beam on your car while you're watching, and you see how it feels???" He still doesnt get it. He still doesnt grasp the notion that he did wrong. He still hasn't absorbed the notion that being a landlord carries legal rules about how you have to respect your renters property, their rights, give them fair notice of actions you mean to take or nuisances they are creating that you want them to 'cure', before you proceed with what you intend to do if they don't. He lapses into his two year old's whine "It's my house and I'll do what i want to!" at every attempt to reason with him.

One morning a few months ago I was awakened by another horrible screeching sound and looked out to see him on the tractor again, driving the bucket headlong into a stack of sheet lumber we were gradually cleaning up. I ran outside and blocked his way. He bellowed at me. I screamed over the engine at him. he threatened to evict me. I yelled "do you know what's drectly in front of you?" he huffed back "NO!" and I rejoined "then why the hell are you driving into it without knowing?"

He killed the engine instantly, and I walked around the tractor and lifted an obscuring piece of roofing tarpaper, to show him he was headed straight for a carefully stacked, 12 inch solid, 8 foot long, 2 ft wide 2 ft high pyramid of inch thick rebar I had stored there, that he never looked at, after he ordered me to "put it someplace".

He got off the seat and marched into the house to have a tantrum, and we didnt speak for a week. he reiterated his power to have me evicted, and I chellenged him loudly, replying "for what -- common sense? Looking out for safety? Oh yeah, the judge is really gonna see that".

He later insisted that he has the right to make all the mistakes he wants. I countered "not when they run over into my life, you don't. the law sides with ME. you don't live here alone."
01:12 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

September 23, 2003

>> Cleaning Lady No Know The Hamburgler...

[ Fools ]

Healthisnnotwealth writes in from a health food store... who says they aren't working with fools too while fantasizing about ridiculous jobs?

"At the health food store where I work, a couple of us were joking around about future fantasy jobs. Right after we were done discussing the pro's and con's of being a pirate, a friend of mine suggests that I become the Hamburglar when I grow up. The cleaning lady was nearby when he said this and she asked who the Hamburglar was. We told her that he was from McDonald's and he stole hamburgers. She got a confused look on her face and asked if he really existed. We said yeah, just walk down to the McDonald's and ask them. Then she asks where has he been seen, and if the police are close to catching him. We all started laughing at her, but she couldn't figure out why. Later on that day, our general manager explained things to her. Her exuse was that she didn't eat at McDonalds growing up, only Burger King."
01:05 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

September 22, 2003

>> Sars?

[ Rant ]

Flemy rants a little about a potential health hazard in the cube environment...

"I work in an in bound call center in the standard cubeville environment. Instead of having a full cube to yourself we have half cubes so that we can talk to each other if a question comes up. The person next to me has had a cough for more than 6 months now. This by itself is bad enough but every time he coughs it is one of those smoking for 50 years deep flem type of coughs. The worst part is that he is on the phone all day and doesn't try to cover his phone when he coughs. I have over heard him tell his customers that he is just recovering from bronchitis. He keeps telling me that He will go to the doctor if it doesn't clear up by next week. This was 4 weeks ago. I have been washing hands taking multi vitamins making sure I don't get what ever he has. Thank for the chance to share my rant."
01:15 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

September 21, 2003

>> Supplies Are Low...

[ Work ]

Burger Queen shares a story of the absolute lowest of the low fast food restaurants...

"I work for a fast food resturant. Every Monday and Thursday we have a truck that comes in and delivers he supplies to the store. For about a month we were running low on everything. Then, one Wensday we finally hit rock bottom.

As if it wasn't bad eough that we have no air conditioning and it's about 110, two out of the three walk-in frezers broke so all of the meat and everything was going bad. First we ran out of milkshake mix. Next went all of the pies and desserts that we sell. We also had no bottled water. The real kicker came wen we ran out of fries and had to run to the local grocery store to buy some. When we ran out of those fries all we could sell was the onion rings. We had no large sized bags, no salt for the fries, no medium fry cartons, no ketchup packets, and no barbeque sauce. I started flipping on my manager like "Do you know how to count?" It's also been two years since our air broke so no one wears the uniform. Our whole store is just ghetto."
01:15 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

September 20, 2003

>> Reviving the Dead

[ Boss ]

treegirl writes in with some miracles she has been asked to perform...

"I worked at a home supply store and we had a boss who was always looking for ways to save money.

The garden department occasionally has a few dead plants and we moved these to a pallet in the back to be counted and disposed of. We lose money on this.

Boss comes out and asks why the plants are there.

I tell him they're dead.

Are you sure?

Now, I've been doing plants for four years. I know plants. They're dead, I assure him.

He looks at me disbelieving. Well, can't you water them or something?"
01:14 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

September 19, 2003

>> My completely idiotic and moronish fool of a person

[ Fools ]

Anonymous writes in with some absolutely hilarious quotes...

"To make a long, painful story short and sweet I will simply make a short list of really stupid things she says on a daily basis (I will leave out "That's retarded," even though that is her frequent constructive critisism of choice):"

"Here's my first SLAB at it..." (in an email)
"There was this MASK murder..."
"What are parenthasese?"
"Traffic is the BALE of my existance."
"Solve two problems with one stone."
"Those people are really PRIDEFUL."
"That's REPEDERY."
"I found the PIGEON BOTTLE HOLE NECK."
"My BRIAN is fried!" (in an email)
"I would never want to live on a VINE-yard."
"I guess that's just not my BAG of tea."
"I just bit my tail and ran."
"...ENDS to a mean..."
"Yah - that's SYMBOLISTIC..."
01:18 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

September 18, 2003

>> Jesus is my boss's boss!

[ Boss ]

bayliss3 works for someone with a higher power...

"I work for a completely inane not-for-profit, and we just recently got a completely inane new boss. He's always 'thinking out of the box' --so far out of the box that his supervisor recently reeled him back in by telling him that the stuff he was doing didn't fit our mission, and was therefore not in compliance with our contract. Well, instead of mending his ways and reverting back to actually DOING HIS JOB, he's decided that he must go home and pray about it, because Jesus has told him that he needs to keep doing what he's been doing. Unfortunately, Jesus doesn't sign our freakin' paychecks!!!

ARRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"
01:14 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

September 17, 2003

>> What does Number mean?

[ Fools ]

Its My Fault writes in about some serious fool customer issues...

"I work for a major telecommunications company. We handle the telemetry and paging needs for Government agencies and major corporations. It scares me to think that people protecting our country can't even turn on a pager.

I had a customer call, in my greeting I say, 'may I have your oager number please?' This customer asked me where would she find that. I explained she should already know it. She asked me would it be listed on the paper she had. Mind you she had received a replacement pager. Which means this is not new service so she know her pager number by heart. She rambles on for 5 minutes looking for this number, she spills several irrelevant numbers off to me in the process.

Now when you first call you are asked to enter 'your pager number', I always ask you for the number to verify because what comes up is not always correct. When I asked the customer what was the number she entered (the number that came up onmy screen) she says 'thats the number you call to call my pager'.

Is that not your pager number?"
01:14 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

September 16, 2003

>> Fed Ex - Too Difficult

[ Boss ]

Mooncreek writes in about a simple little product called an envelope... add a bit of fool and what do you get?

"I began working for this company where we ship out numerous packages with Fed Ex. On my second day, my boss (we will call her Betty) tells me to get a few letters ready to go and then to let her see them to make sure they are packaged correctly. I take them to her and drop them off in her basket. They are addressed with the shipping labels, etc. Fed Ex has 2 types of shipping labels: 1 that goes in the plastic envelope in front (fitting perfectly) and another that is a little bigger to go on the other side if you need more space or whatever. Both sides of Fed Ex envelopes say 'insert label here'. For whatever reason, my boss and her crew had been using the smaller labels for a long time and since the attachments would fall off without the plastic covering, she would put tape over them to avoid that problem. I had inserted them into the protective plastic wrap and she asked me why I did that. I informed her that that way you did not lose the paperwork, which is when she informed me that 'oh that is why there is plastic on one side of the fed ex envelope'. I could not believe it. A senior accountant....couldn't figure out a fed ex envelope. I began looking for a new job the next day."
01:14 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

September 15, 2003

>> Where would I find the pager number??

[ Rant ]

Justa Peon definitely had some things to get off his chest with those foolish customers...

"I am not a people person so why do I work in Customer Service? Every Thursday - Monday at five am I awake and head to a major Telecommunications Center to answer the calls of complete idiots.

My beef with Consumers is simple, if you buy a product at least take the time to learn how to use the equipment. If you have a pager LEARN YOUR PAGER NUMBER. If you move to a new area and need a phone or lights or cable, KNOW THE ADDRESS OF WHERE YOU NEED THEM. Telling me to just use your Post Office Box means absolutely scratch. Yes I can actually send service to that PO Box, but my friend it would do you no good.

Small talk can be a wonderful thing if in fact it is just that - small. But if your tire caught on flat; you ripped a hole in your new suit; you were late for work; the day after you had just been warned not be late again; your life partner/spouse/loved one chewed you out for no apparent reason and/or your favorite show was interrupted by another PSA from Good Ol' Dubya. PLEASE don't choose that hour to call Customer Service and ask me why you have not received a page in two months. (Why have you waited 2 months to call about it?) Besides, no matter what I say you will somehowwork into the conversation your general melancholy and quite frankly I don't want to hear it. I just can't tell you that because 'this call may be recorded for Quality Assurance purposes'.

These companies send you invoices knowing that the only part you will ever actually look at is: Total Due. Do me a favor, when 'Total Due' says some outrageous number take the time to search through the rest of the invoice to see why you were actually charged. Which implicates you would have to know what rate plan you are on and what charges are associated with that rate plan. I say this because when you call me and I explain how the charges on your bill are accurate I want you to be able to say more than 'Oh I didn't even bother to look at that'. And in the not-so-rare-as-you-would-hope case that you have been over charged, be one of the privileged few who actually read the terms and conditions (which include in small print how companies can ultimately screw you at will). Because when I tell you it will take up to 60 days to give back the money it only took us 60 seconds to take, I don't want you to become irate and hear me chuckle at your request to speak with a supe!
rvisor (who will only come back to me and have me explain to them what should be done...and you gotta love that).

All I am asking is for you, the consumer/customer/provider of my paycheck, to take responsibility for the products and services you purchase. Become knowledgeable of what is due you and considerate of what is not. No, you can not have 3 months of free services because you missed 1 page. No, I will not credit you back $326.21 because you have to pay your rent and you used your debit card with the Visa logo. No, I will not call you when I get off and it does not matter if I am married or have a boyfriend, are you that desperate or do I sound that gullible. And no, your cursing ranting and raving will not make this road any smoother, as a matter of fact, I'm going to place you on hold (Customer Service Time-Out) so that you can think about your behavior!

I am expected to carry a friendly attitude despite your attempt to p*ss me off, which I might be obliged to allow if this call were not 'being recorded for Quality Assurance purposes'. This is my job and not my career, I will do everything I can to make you happy. Help me to help you...

P.S. In the case you are from California or New York, please be advised it is not a compliment to tell me I speak well to be a Southerner or that you love my accent (well I'm not too fond of yours). Do not ask me if I am White or Black. And the next person who drops into my line and says 'Do you all wear shoes down there' YOUR CALL (and possibly your service) WILL BE DISCONNECTED, screw Quality Assurance!!"
01:03 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

September 14, 2003

>> Sausage Boy

[ Fools ]

TummyCrotch lets us know that perhaps all that you can be is not in the army...

"I'm in the military. I work with this kid, he's under me, and he isn't all there. He's from Deliverance country, I will swear to the fact that he's inbred. Now this will sound really bad, but I can testify under oath to the fact that it is true. This kid sleeps with a half eaten moldy sausage. His rack was being inspected one day, and it was found under his pillow, along with some rotten no longer frozen T.V. dinners. This is a kid I work with on a daily basis. His level of stupidity is tremendous. Also, he smells bad. Think of the movie "Full Metal Jacket" and think of private Pyle, the marine who isn't all there and shoots himself. This kid looks just like him, and acts like him, too. He can be walking and someone will call out his name, he'll turn, and run head first into something. All you hear is compound swearing followed by more swearing. That isn't bad in itself, though. What's really bad is that after he's finished talking to the person who stopped him to start with, he'll turn around to walk off and run into the same object he hit the first time. Repeat of the swearing. Now is this a kid you want protecting your country?"
01:15 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

September 13, 2003

>> The Mailman

[ Other ]

andream writes in about some issues with the mailman...

"The mailman from my office building and I have a very unsettling relationship.
Once, I lost the mailbox keys and didn't retrieve the mail for a week. He stormed in, yelling and cursing, asking when we were going to get our mail. This didn't go over well with the powers that be.
I've also managed to catch his ire (did you know it was possible to catch a mailman's ire?) by sending my homemade postcards via the office mailbox. It's a mailbox! There'd be all kinds of contruction paper and cardboard creations I'd tape up, stamp, and send out. And then he puts a sign up in the mailroom announcing that no personal mail may be sent through the mailbox. (I am SURE that he isn't allowed to do that.) So I kept sending my postcards through...until one fateful day I tiptoed into the mailroom and was just slipping a particularly loud and haphazard looking postcard into the slot, only to turn around and see him behind me.
"So, those are YOURS?"
"Um...yeah. I'm putting enough postage on them, right?"
"Did you see the sign?"
"Oh, yeah. Sure," and then I bluffed, "but it was handwritten, and I figured it was a practical joke. Don't worry, I called the post office and they said there's no rule restricting this mailbox to commercial use."
"Oh, is that right? Well I'll be."
And I walked off and we hate eachother forever.

Flash forward to yesterday.
I'm cutting it up around the watercooler, sitcom-style, and the postman bellows from the reception area,
"Helloooooo? Have you decided to stop getting the mail again? I don't have room...hellooooo?"
Mortified, I go up there, and he starts explaining the importance of gathering the mail everyday, with the intent of the whole office hearing him. I'd already retrieved the mail that morning, the man was clearly out to get me.
After walking down with him, and explaining that the ignored mailbox was not ours at all, that we were #46, he gave a gruff, "Oh, is that right? Well I'll be." and walked off.
Flash forward again to today.
I went to drop off a letter ~a corporate letter~ and ran into him. I started to turn around, but he called out to me.
"I sure hope I didn't get you in any trouble, ma'am."
I played it cool.
"Naw. They think it's a riot when I don't get the mail. It's an office joke."
His eye started twitching. "It's not very funny when I have a job to do, and can't, because no one is picking up their mail!"
Wow. This was a good time to walk away, but not before I finished this beast;
"Dude...don't go postal!"

I hope he takes those words to heart, because the second that man gets access to a loaded gun, I have no doubt he'll come for me."
01:18 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

September 12, 2003

>> Going up?

[ Fools ]

Hai shares a moment of elevator frustration with a fool!

"My building has 10 floors and we work on the top floor. We were waiting for another co-worker so that we can grab a snack. So I push the button for the evelvator. And out comes running Mrs. W

Mrs. W: Is that elevator going down?
Me: We are on the 10th floor the elevator doesn't go up?
Mrs. W: Is that elevator going down?
Me: We are on the 10th floor!?
Co-worker: Just go. It's going down!?

She has been working in the same freaken building for over 6 years it has the same amount of floors everyday that she comes to work. And she still doesn't know that the elevator goes from lobby to 10 only!"
01:17 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

September 11, 2003

>> Surrounded...and trapped

[ Work ]

Atmywitsend writes in a absolute favorite of mine so far because I think I have worked with many of the same types of people I guess they exist everywhere.

"I found this site on a particularly idiotic day, and was it ever a shot in the arm for me and, I'm sure, working stiffs everywhere.

Anyway, I work for a supply company in the department that bids for business. My job is, without a doubt, one of the most boring, mindless, inane jobs I have ever held. The pay is really good, though, which is why I'm still here, at least until something better comes along.

Problem is, you may have guessed, I work with fools. Not only are they (of course) complete idiots, but our cubicle walls are only four feet tall which makes ignoring these fools impossible. Just a couple of examples:

Fool 1: Spends approximately half her day on the phone with her children, husband, or, occasionally a friend. If she is purchasing something or getting information on something, very often the call comes to her at work. Reasonable in moderation? Yes. For three to four hour chunks of the day? I think not. The best part (for you, dear reader, the most painful and irritating to me) is that, the other day, she was talking to a friend and mentioned that she had been told by the president of our company to spend less time on personal calls. Her words, 'I don't know why. Other people must be doing it a lot, because I don't spend much time on the phone. I don't know why he singled me out.' Yikes!

Fool 2: My immediate superior. She is baffled by that marvel of twenty-first century engineering and technological achievement, the personal computer. She is older, so I can excuse some lack of knowledge due to the rapidly changing face of business technology and her having to adjust, but her ignorance and sheer stupidity goes far beyond that. But, aside from the countless other tales I could tell (would take hours and induce much laughter) I will highlight these two:
(1) When 'training' me on my first day, she was met with a keyboard that had a slightly different layout from most. Instead of 'Delete' being in the normal 6-button island (two rows of three buttons, also encompassing Home, End, etc.) it was part of a 4-button vertical row. It took her a FULL MINUTE to locate, EVERY time, to find the damn delete key. Even scarier? Geometrically speaking, despite the varied layout, it was in the EXACT same position of a normal keyboard!
(2) She has little to no patience with computers. When hers was running particularly slow one day and the cursor would not move on the screen for moments at a time, she responded by repeatedly slamming the mouse on her desk. Perhaps she thought it might help. The result? Mid-way through the day, the ring locking the mouseball into her mouse broke after one rather passionate slam, and the ball fell out. When talking to our IT manager, she said, 'Something is wrong with my mouse - the ball falls out really easily.' Even worse, when asked if she was 'rough on it' at all, my boss responded with, 'Oh, no! I know how delicate technology is, and I'm always very careful.' Sadly, I believe she meant it!

Fool 3: My manager. A tall, lanky, awkward man who hardly leaves his office except for meetings and to get documents from the printer and who eats cereal out of a jar each morning (yes, a jar. Milk and Cheerios every morning out of a former jelly container), and tells jokes that he thinks are hysterical with a stupid smile and horribly monotone voice, he is also the greatest fool of them all. A man who is oblivious to everything, especially a talking subordinate, he provides a two word response in no less than 200 words. In an effort to sound more intelligent, he utilizes 'big' words, but he has earned not respect, but the nickname Mr. Malaprop. During one meeting, he announced plans to 'corroborate notes' for the whole office. Corroborate with what? I don't even know what word he was going for! When a vendor was coming in for a day to hawk a new product, my manager wished to know 'at what time should we coallesce?' Eww. I think he meant...I have no idea. A!
s for his long-winded speeches? When asked by myself about the possibility of a friend getting a job, he spent a good half-hour (if not more) outlining the exact job description of another manager in the company, the expectations of our new president, the current external sales infrastructure, and his wariness of ever saying 'never.' After this lengthy discourse, he proceeded to inform me, based on that information, that, no, indeed, I was not entitled to a raise! When I reminded him that I had asked about my friend getting a job, he told me that he was sorry, but did not currently have the time to discuss something so delicate as 'increasing our manpower through an upward valiance in the internal infrastructure.' That's not a typo - he said 'valiance.' I hope he meant variance...but I was already to afraid to ask.

Hope I at least provided a few laughs to all of you out there who are united with me in hating your job!"
01:16 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

September 10, 2003

>> Are you with me or are you stupid

[ Boss ]

clueless and dumb tells us about a lil private conversation with his boss...

"I overheard my supervisor tell a co-worker how he would like everyone to get along and make things run smoother. I was happy because things around the office were starting to take a turn for unhappy times. The supervisor was saying the same thing over and over again so I went over and said very low 'last week everything was so peaceful and that there were no arguments what-so-ever'. The supervisor looked at me and yelled 'you mind your business no one is talking to you and you better stop talking so much or you will be sorry. If you have something to say to me then step in the back'. So I decided to go and take him up on his offer because now I too am mad. I asked him didn't he notice everything went smooth and he replied, 'No I was on vacation'."
01:02 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

September 09, 2003

>> Old Dog Gets a Cellphone

[ Boss ]

Anonymous writes to us about his boss who just happens to be a little behind the times...

"Some old dogs don't want to learn new tricks, but some are willing to try even though they really are past their prime.

The main boss guy at our company is a nice guy but he's now mostly a figurehead. He's a guy who likes to hunt and socialize. Swore he'd never have a computer but now he's got one. Amazingly, he's learned to use email (mostly to share jokes with his many friends).

He also swore he'd never get a cellphone. Mostly, because he doesn't want to be too available (if you know what I mean). So one day, not doubt buoyed by his confidence with tackling the email challenge, he decides to get a cellphone. And a few weeks later he's out having a drink with one of his close buddies and his daughter calls.

He answers the phone and when he realizes that it's his daughter calling him he exclaims 'how did you know I was here?'"
01:14 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

September 08, 2003

>> Woes of Customer Service

[ Rant ]

Iam Justapeontou gives us a rant worthy of iWorkWithFools... except the fools this time are the customers he deals with. Oh boy... enjoy... and hang in there buddy... once you finish school you can hopefully escape the fools of that job!

"I am currently working on a double major at a major college in Mississippi. In two years time I hope to have finally finished both my degrees. Until that time every Thursday - Monday at five am I awake and head to a major Telecommunications Center to answer the calls of complete idiots.

My beef with Consumers is simple, if you buy a product at least take the time to learn how to use the equipment. If you have a pager LEARN YOUR PAGER NUMBER. If you move to a new area and need a phone or lights or cable, KNOW THE ADDRESS OF WHERE YOU NEED THEM. Telling me to just use your Post Office Box means absolutely scratch. Yes I can actually send service to that PO Box, but my friend it would do you no good.

Small talk can be a wonderful thing if in fact it is just that - small. But if your tire caught on flat; you ripped a hole in your new suit; you were late for work; the day after you had just been warned not be late again; your life partner/spouse/loved one chewed you out for no apparent reason and/or your favorite show was interrupted by another PSA from Good Ol' Dubya. PLEASE don't choose that hour to call Customer Service and ask me about specials. Because no matter what I say all you will want to do is discuss your travesty of a day and quite frankly I don't want to hear it. I just can't tell you that because 'this call may be recorded for Quality Assurance purposes'.

These companies send you invoices knowing that the only part you will ever actually look at is: Total Due. Do me a favor, when 'Total Due' says some outrageous number take the time to search through the rest of the invoice to see why you were actually charged. Which implicates you would have to know what rate plan you are on and what charges are associated with that rate plan. I say this because when you call me and I explain how the charges on your bill are accurate I want you to be able to say more than 'Oh I didn't even bother to look at that'. And in the not-so-rare-as-you-would-hope case that you have been over charged, be one of the privileged few who actually read the terms and conditions (which include in small print how companies can ultimately screw you at will). Because when I tell you it will take up to 60 days to give back the money it only took us 60 seconds to take, I don't want you to become irate and hear me chuckle at your request to speak with a supe!
rvisor (who will only come back to me and have me explain to them what should be done...and you gotta love that).

All I am asking is for you, the consumer/customer/provider of my paycheck, to take responsibility for the products and services you purchase. Become knowledgeable of what is due you and considerate of what is not. No, you can not have 3 months of free services because you missed 1 page. No, I will not credit you back $326.21 because you have to pay your rent and you used your debit card with the Visa logo. No, I will not call you when I get off and it does not matter if I am married or have a boyfriend, are you that desperate or do I sound that gullible. And no, your cursing ranting and raving will not make this road any smoother, as a matter of fact, I'm going to place you on hold (Customer Service Time-Out) so that you can think about your behavior!

I am expected to carry a friendly attitude despite your attempt to lower me to your level, which I might be obliged to do if this call were not 'being recorded for Quality Assurance purposes'. This is my job and not my career, I will do everything I can to make you happy. Help me to help you...

P.S. In the case you are from California or New York, please be advised it is not a compliment to tell me I speak well to be a Southerner or that you love my accent (well I'm not too fond of yours). Do not ask me if I am White or Black. And the next person who drops into my line and says 'Do you all wear shoes down there' YOUR CALL (and possibly your service) WILL BE DISCONNECTED, screw Quality Assurance!!"
01:19 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

September 07, 2003

>> Why Working with Mommys is a Bad Idea

[ Boss ]

RoxyKya wrote in with some advice about working within the family... the foolish family...

"I work with my mom during the summer, because of the massive guilt trips she is provided by sending me to college. She has her own small business, so basically, I am her only subordinate (my sister escapes to nanny in the summers).

A nasty habit I have, according to her, is not being able to work at near-light speed, to get done everything she expects me to do in a day. I ask her to provide me with a list because that's the ONLY way I know what to do. But she thinks I have a wonderful sixth sense that I aggregiously neglect, the sense to READ HER MIND simply by looking around me. So no list, just massive piles of paperwork and housework that I am magically supposed to know how to do.

So of course, this leads to an argument, after she is disappointed to see that 8 months of work that have built up while I was at college weren't not taken care of in a single day. Being sensitive, I cry, which she associates with psychotic behavior, and only bullies me more, instead of being an adult to let me run to my room, get over myself in 5 minutes, and get back to work.

And I find that this is every reason to advise my friends, DO NOT WORK WITH YOUR FAMILY.

No worries folks. I just used her copier to put out a resume, and I have an interview at a company 3 minutes from my university tomorrow."
01:12 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

September 06, 2003

>> You put your left foot in... shake it all about...

[ Work ]

Cat writes in about the impending doom at work...

"Layoffs are iminent and people are circling the wagons around their jobs. People are being ordered to learn others jobs to be 'backup'. HA! is all I hafta say. HA! MY ASS! Is what I say! That's what they are doing riiiight! They are going to eliminate 2 people and make the one person do 3 jobs, just watch! And meanwhile... I sit here with NOTHING (very little) to do. I couldn't even argue for my job if I had to. I serve no purpose here except to file the occasional PO. Yay. So glad my job disappeared before I really knew what was happening."
01:22 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

September 05, 2003

>> Someone's using the copier, moron.

[ Rant ]

Aargh has some copier issues with the fools at work... so what you are saying is that when the copier is printing to not turn it off... ohhhh I see...

"As part of my job, I print out order forms for our customers. Usually 50 to 100 copies at a time. So the office printer/copier is being used by me at various times throughout the day; it takes about 3 minutes to print out 100 order forms.

Several times a day (damn near every day, too), one of the front office employees will walk up and attempt to use the copier during my print run - despite the fact that you can hear it running and actually see my order forms being spit out the side! They'll open up the top of the copier, put their paper down, close the lid and press the 'copy' button. And then pause to notice that the copier's in the midst of a print run.

I've thought of putting a flashing red light atop the copier when I'm printing forms, or perhaps even hiring a capuchin monkey to bang a drum and light off fireworks to grab their attention, but I really don't think it would help much."
01:12 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

September 04, 2003

>> Keep Hope Alive!

[ Boss ]

baedeker writes back to us with a great lil update to maybe give some hope to all of you stuck feeling there is no escape from fools...

"ok, i've come to this site for a while and have submitted comments here and there, but have also explained how terrible my job (in marketing research) was... anyway, one of my bosses decided monday that he'd had just about enough of my clever remarks and scheduled a meeting in his office for us to 'talk'... after the 'talk' became a rant about my insubordination issues (i'm 3 times as qualified as him, but enjoy the research, not the politics), i exploded in his office about how he isn't qualified in any way to dictate to me, MBA or not (i've got my MBA in marketing and a double masters in psychology and public relations). anyway, he pretty much got caught up in the moment and fired me on the spot. I have never been happier in my life. Anyway, i heard yesterday that he was demoted directly by the executive officer (a friend of mine) because he couldn't manage the team of researchers i managed. they offered to hire me back, but it looks like i'm going to be working for a local radio station for a while, although a few offers have been placed on the table since i pack up and left that place... for all you disbelievers out there, i say do it right or not at all."
01:14 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

September 03, 2003

>> If you wait...they will come

[ Fools ]

Wasted Time writes in a short but funny classic...

"I made an update to a website I was working on and told the person to check it after I was done. They told me it wasn't fixed. So, I went to the bathroom, sent 3 emails, chatted on IM for about 5 minutes with a friend of mine, then told them to check again. That time, it was fixed."
01:17 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

September 02, 2003

>> It Keeps Getting Worse

[ Work ]

zippy wrote us in on Labor Day so I figured he deserved to get his say out on the site early... ya poor bastard... hope ya cashed out today...

"Bad enough when the company (a major university) annouces a 2-year pay freeze weeks after you start a job, meaning that you're stuck at entry-level pay (a whopping $978 a month take-home), and worse yet that they've announed a hiring freeze, meaning that all those who have previously abandoned ship are not being replaced, right? Well, in progressive weeks, they've also annouced that we'll be picking up the tab for a good deal of our insurance. To make up for that, they annouced that we'll receive an extra hour of vacation per month. The next month, they announced that they will close the university down during spring break and will be charging us personal vacation days during that time. So, we get 12 extra vacation hours a year, but they're taking back 40. (In previous years, the university was open even though there were no classes in session and employees worked all but 2 days of the break.)

Remember the hiring freeze I mentioned? Apparently, that doesn't apply to everyone. The President's office just hired a secretary-to-the-secretary making twice what I make with half of the requirements.

It's Labor Day as I write this...but we're required to work today even though there are no classes. Being the first of the month, it's also supposed to be payday, but the payroll office is holding our paychecks until tomorrow. I guess I don't understand that; if the university is making us work as normal, why can't we get paid as normal? And even if they gave me my check today, I wouldn't be able to deposit until tomorrow anyhow, right?

There are a million more things I could gripe about here, but I have to leave room for others as frustrated as me."
01:15 AM - Posted by Disgruntled

September 01, 2003

>> Why me?

[ Fools ]

Pop This writes of the new problem google has created for fools...

"Something nice and simple. A javascript pop up window. Nothing hard. I was told the new one wasn't working on the site. After 10 minutes trying to figure it out, I went over the their desk. They had the google toolbar with the pop up blocker. I wish I had the clown penis blocker."
01:17 AM - Posted by Disgruntled